I have this belief where I am not loved. Not wanted.
However, this quote really hit home. "And if you don’t like yourself, why would anyone else like you?" I am always constantly hearing myself think that nobody would want to be my friend. Of course, nobody wants to be friends with a whiner! Duh, isn't that obvious?
It took me forever to finally accept myself and I liked wearing cute outfits
after high school i went to college and gained the "freshman 15" but for me it was more like 25-30 I have been working out on and off hard core losing 40 lbs here gain 30 back in a summer then i lost 65-70 (not on purpuse* i was kinda sick) and now i'm back to a normal Jenna self. It was not until someone took a picture of me (i'm uselly the one behind the camera) a month ago and was like wow i should really go on a diet and work out! i'm hot huge but i'm not healthy either. but it really took me by surprise.
I suppose people did not like how I look thats the reason why some guys didn't date me or not call after our first date OR why i didn't get some of the jobs i was highly qualified for But hey, I am comfortable with my skin more so nowadays. then a year ago
I know I am big. I know that sometimes I make people uncomfortable, I can totally understand how it makes people feel strange and embarrassed.if they are on a date with me or i'm with there group. I admit that I agree,isn't really appealing.
I dressed the way I do because it is comfortable. Just as people are comfortable with wearing high heels. Or those with tight jeans. I hate tight jeans, but I hate jeans altogether. I am sure that if I was super skinny than I am now, I would still not wear those jeans
Do you really like who you are? It does take practice. It does take a lot of self assuring to like yourself. I totally understand how that is. I am trying to be more comfortable with myself. I am trying to like myself because I have no choice but to live with myself. I am me, I will always be me. I have no other choice.
That leaves me with very little options. Like myself, love myself or hate myself.
I want to have friends. But I know the only way to make friends is to allow yourself be who you are. Lately i have been doing that and not holding back.. some friends have not liked my change.. but that just means they were not my true friends.. other people have become more interested in being my friend cause they like how i am.. straight forward i will tell you how i feel about you.
i recently lost a group of "friends" that i have know for over a year now.. i let one person lets call her "Rachael" in to the group to see if she would fit well and not bring in drama. well.. i said ONE stupid little thing that got blowne out of proportion and this guy his name can be "Cameron" calls Rachael up and tells her right in front of me.. right then and there i knew i would never trust this "friend" again.. and it is true.. he is no longer part of my life cause he alwasy made me feel like i was such a bad person for say one stupid thing.. but he forgave our other bestfriend after she went driffted way from our group and started doing things with other people that he didnt' approve of and she said he judged her and thiought she was a bad person.. but guess what they are buddies again and where does that leave me?? um alone.. no friends.. a loser. yeah for me :)
